Category Archives: Humor

No, not noise… Well not yet…

He is hard to see as he has no high-vis clothing for the roadworks he is working at, but you may just be able to make out that he opens the tar boiler on his lorry with his unprotected hands. A lorry that is also carrying half a dozen cylinders of propane and is parked under a nice combustible autumn tree. He bends right over the open boiler peering in, putting his unprotected face and eyes right over the boiling tar, inhaling the carcinogenic smoke and fumes deeply without any respiratory protection.

The sign opposite entreats folk not to make unnecessary noise. Unnecessary noise could include coughing as the fumes choke one or screaming as the boiling tar suddenly bubbles and explodes over one and the lorry and half the street catch fire and exploding cylinders launch across the street to kill the early morning diners at the McDonalds opposite and fly into the skies to rain down like cruise missiles on the local area.

Overly dramatic? Maybe, but in the UK a tar boiler van carrying propane cylinders did catch fire and the cylinders did fly like missiles, into a local shopping centre a quarter mile away, and into the school opposite where the van was parked, killing an 11-year-old boy, and it was caught on video which is used in training sessions which I have attended.

not noise

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Safety highlight

Live working at height. Let’s just take the light apart while it’s still live. Live working is of course the last resort allowed by law, not the default way to replace the bulbs to make sure they are working without having to re-energise. They did several as I watched. Matey walked directly underneath, so as to feel part of the risk I suppose. Presumably they have not heard of the Electricity At Work Regulations or the Work At Height Regulations. Anyway they kept us amused as we paused for a coffee on our journey, somewhat appositely to attend a funeral.

Live work

 

Entourage

Entourage – it’s what they call those funny cut-out people in architectural renderings of things they might build.

Some of the cut-outs available really make you wonder though…

For instance you might ask where your energy drink came from, and what makes your kids hyperactive, and just what you neighbor is into. Wonder no more, the Entourage people reveal all. Now you just wish you hadn’t asked. These architectural cut-outs are REAL and available and are all from the SAME set.

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Protest

I am protesting against lazy use of English language.

I will not “Protest lazy English” because that phrase is an example of the lazy English language usage that I am protesting against.

The problem with using the verb “To protest” without any qualification, is that you don’t know whether it is a protest against, or a protest for the matter.

“People are protesting wages.” Does it mean people are protesting against low wages, against high wages, for higher wages, for lower wages, or simply for or against having wages at a all. The sentance is wholly inadequate.

Cut-down telegraphic intransitive twitter-squeeze-to-fit Americanese verb-use is deeply annoying to me. I should write someone about it. LOL (in Britain we write to someone – well at a least for now, until the laziness reaches us on that one).

Another linguistic laziness I really dislike is the contraction of “cause for concern” (which was the only way you could say it back in the day) to “concerning.”

“That is really concerning me” NO! This is ambiguous because it doesn’t tell me if it causes me worry or if it is a matter that is applicable to me, or both!

“That is a really giving me cause for concern” YES!

At the rate lazy language is spreading in the UK it will devolve back to grunts before you can say “Ug!” This was of course caused by the BBC letting non-public school educated people (Americans read private school) into broadcasting, so the inadequately educated became our role models. My English is not perfect, I was not privately educated, but at least I care, and I try to get it right.

I guess that makes me an elitist. Well I do prefer aspiration to exasperation.

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